The events of the past several months have been a source of many feelings and fear in the minds of many, particularly the criminal acts by those who took an oath to protect and serve their communities as a whole, not in part and not only those like them. Actions that target individuals by appearance or perceived class (race, socioeconomic background, sexual orientation, or any other demographical identifiers) are unacceptable and impact the relationships not only between police and community members but also among peers within the profession. The challenges before police leaders are significant. Their efforts to address these challenges will be closely monitored, require internal strength previously untapped, and may never be more important to  the law enforcement profession,  society, communities, and the United States as a country.

One area of difficult conversation consists of the need for police personnel and leaders to know their peers and employees in policing better, allowing both individuals and organizations to know what diversity is present within the agencies, allowing for growth internally.

Accepting Implicit Bias in Preparation for Communication

To have a difficult conversation, all involved must accept the existence of implicit bias. Implicit biases are “biases which can be unconscious or uncontrollable.”¹ People’s brains are wired to identify and develop shortcuts based on the environment, developing subconscious neural connections that influence their actions, even when the person is not aware of it.² Without this development, human ancestors would not have survived in the open, being easy prey to larger carnivorous animals. This analysis remains hardwired within people’s brains today, though our environment has changed significantly. Therefore, we all have these naturally occurring unconscious biases, and being aware of them is essential during all interactions, especially difficult conversations. The National Institute for Children’s Health Quality  published a resource that included “Seven Steps to Help Minimize Implicit Bias,” which included

1. 1. Acknowledge your biases. Be courageous enough to explore your implicit biases, recognize when you are letting bias influence your actions. One way to do so is to take a simple quiz, the Implicit Association Test (IAT), which measures the test taker’s attitudes or stereotypes subconsciously associated with different concepts.
   2. Challenge your biases. Look for information that is contrary to your beliefs about someone or something. If you find yourself treating someone differently, take a moment and reflect carefully on your assumptions.
   3. Be empathetic. It is difficult to be empathetic if you don’t have a personal connection or experience “walking a mile in their shoes.” Find ways to learn, such as taking a training or class, reading articles or books, or conducting research at your local library.
   4. Identify differences. All people are different, regardless of appearances. Find opportunities to learn more about historically marginalized groups. Ignoring differences in people’s and groups’ histories perpetuates bias.
   5. Be an ally. Protecting the public is a core mission of policing; step up when you see people discriminated against based on stereotypes because this helps to create positive experiences for all, reducing implicit biases from such situations.
   6. Recognize stress and pain. Addressing implicit bias is not easy; a natural reaction to an uncomfortable moment or conversation is to get defensive or leave—the “fight or flight” reaction. It is crucial to approach implicit bias like other policing situations: stay present, breathe deeply, stay inquisitive. This will allow you to begin countering your own internal stereotypes.
   7. Engage in dialogue. The necessary difficult conversations will help people understand one another. Try talking through this issue with a trusted friend or another safe party who has a different perspective and listen to the response.³

Recognizing Bias in Daily Language

Communities are made up of many people with varying backgrounds, from various origins. Words may matter more to some than others, and many  people may not realize where some words and phrases come from originally. As part of addressing implicit biases, one must be aware that some common phrases are based on biases. Certain words and phrases may further impact the feelings and emotions passed from generation to generation. For policing professionals, it is the feelings of those they are serving that matter. A recent CNN report outlined several such phrases that may surprise some people, including

• • Grandfathered in. Today, it references a person or company that is exempt from following new laws. However, the “grandfather clause” in its original context disenfranchised African Americans for decades, referring to the “grandfather clause” adopted by seven Southern states during the Reconstruction Era to block African American citizens from voting.

• • Cakewalk: This statement is often made to express how easy something is. The “cakewalk” however, originated as a dance performed by enslaved African Americans on plantations before the Civil War to compete for pieces of cake, used by slave owners to show that slaves’ movements as unskillful attempts to like their owners.⁴

Additional phrases were outlined in a Business Insider article, including such familiar phrases as

• • Uppity: This term is often used to refer to a person who acts arrogantly. Its origin, however, comes from a phrase originally used to describe African American’s who did not “know their socioeconomic place.”

• • Sold down the river. Today, this phrase conveys being betrayed or cheated by someone who was trusted. However, it originates from the sale of misbehaving slaves from the North to plantations down the Mississippi River, where conditions were much harsher.

• • Eskimo: While many may think this word is the proper term to describe the Inuit people indigenous to northern Canada and Alaska. Is it actually a derogatory term originating from the Danish word (adopted from Algonquin) meaning “eaters of raw meat.”⁵

As difficult conversations take place, all involved must be aware of the fact that words have meanings other than what may be intended . It will be important that if words are causing pain or divisiveness, speakers outline their intent and work to select words with less negative impacts on all involved.

Diversity and Inclusion in Preparation for Difficult Conversations

Merriam-Webster defines diversity as “an instance of being composed of differing elements or qualities.”⁶ Further, inclusion is defined as “the act or practice of including and accommodating people who have historically been excluded.”⁷An agency’s staff diversity should be engineered with an effort to be in line with the members of the community it serves. Diversity is more than a specific number of any particular ethnicity. It must also include considerations such as gender, socioeconomic backgrounds, religious backgrounds, sexual orientation, and more. Committing to “competent diversity” requires agencies  to examine what they have learned about hiring and understand that the way policing “used to do it” does not mean it is the way it “should do it.” Former Harris County, Texas, Sheriff Adrian Garcia stated it well when he said,

Some rules were created at a time when we weren’t really thinking about other people from different backgrounds. But, times change, and we have to change with them, especially if we care about respect and diversity and inclusion. And we really should care about those things because those are key to serving our communities.⁸

Hiring an employee who is competently diverse means they have the mental, physical, and emotional ability to do the job while possessing the mental ability to take their backgrounds and see where their diversity fits within both their organization and community. Further, they do so while having the drive to learn about diversity issues for which they may lack experience. This results in the need for the mental ability to have difficult conversations, allowing one another to learn and grow so as to serve their community better.

Having Difficult Communications on Diversity and Inclusion

Accepting the existence of one’s implicit bias will aid in understanding perceptions from all sides in the conversation, but will not alone further the conversations needed. Ensuring diversity within an organization’s ranks will provide the tools for inclusion, but will not alone further the required conversation. Daniel Goleman, an expert in emotional intelligence, outlines that successful communication has five essential components: rapport, cooperation, empathy, persuasion, and consensus-building. Conversations on issues of diversity and culture are challenging, even between people who know and care for one another. The components outlined by Goleman, along with self- awareness, and monitoring of each persons’ implicit bias and the bias found within language, will allow individuals to have difficult conversations, learning and growing personally,  professionally, and organizationally.⁹

Difficult conversations must start with the understanding that those involved want to be there, to learn from one another, to improve the relationship between themselves and potentially within their organization and community. By reaching out and making an effort, individuals start to build rapport. To maintain rapport, both sides must be willing to listen; by no means can rapport be developed or maintained if the only purpose for the conversation is for one or both parties to expect to be heard without listening to the other. Such cooperation in difficult conversations is a must. All involved in the conversation must agree to work together during the discussion to achieve the goals of sharing, learning, and understanding. This starts with deciding what those goals are and agreeing that no question is off the table and no answer can be wrong. Difficult conversations are not about right and wrong, but about understanding why each individual in the discussion has the view her or she does and where there is common ground to begin to improve understanding. It is also essential to understand that having difficult conversations may strike nerves or raise unintended feelings or emotions and such a discussion is ongoing. All parties involved must understand that breaks and time will be needed; to maintain the rapport, trust must be developed. Trust can only be established when the agreed-upon rules are followed, including allowing one another to walk away when nerves are rattled and emotions rise. Only when the participants trust and understand that the conversations involve personal feelings will rapport develop and remain.

Empathy is the sharing of emotions  about a situation, issue, or matter—relating. It is not saying “I understand” if one does not or cannot. It is seeing the hurt, anger, frustration, and emotions of others and examining why they are feeling that way and how they have been impacted.

Throughout the difficult conversations, all involved must take the time to be persuasive—not to tell the others they are wrong, call them names, or discount their emotions, but to explain what they are thinking and feeling and why. It can be helpful to try to find parallels in daily life or within the story or information being shared to allow everyone involved to see through each other’s eyes as best they can. This includes openly sharing challenges being faced and identifying available resources that could help.

The last and potentially most important part of having difficult conversations is consensus building. Consensus building is not majority rules! That trap must be avoided—it is an escape attempt for those who are not ready for difficult conversations coming to a mutual agreement on what is being addressed and collective steps that can be taken to address the challenge. The steps are efforts palatable to those involved; some individuals will like some and tolerate others. It is through identifying the steps the group can accept and tolerate that allows members to work together and create consensus. Consensus also requires ongoing evaluation. As efforts that are both liked and tolerable are undertaken, those involved must revisit the issues, examining what was unobtainable before. At this stage, those involved in the problematic conversation must again ask, is this effort more tolerable now that other efforts have been made? Are the solutions moving closer to including more of what people felt to be important?

The components outlined above are constantly revisited among those having difficult conversations. They are not checklist items that can be completed and abandoned. Each component must be reexamined and understood as difficult discussions are initiated and continue.

Conclusion

In a successful and challenging conversation, all must work to ensure that all involved both speak and listen. Research reveals that in communications, there is a tendency for the individual with the most power in the discussion to listen the least. To address this, Goleman suggests all involved be present in the conversation, allow the speaker to say what he or she needs to without cutting him or her off, and allow the speaker to know he or she was heard  by repeating back to what the listeners heard. In responding, it’s important to express one’s thoughts and explain what is meant.¹⁰ As they enter difficult conversations, policing professionals must remember that they are the ones with the apparent power. It is their responsibility to take extra steps to ensure  that they not only hear what is being said but that they listen to the speaker’s full message, not just what police personnel want to hear.

Those in policing must find a way to have these difficult conversations, among themselves, within their agencies, and throughout their communities. This will allow police professionals to learn, grow, and aid in rebuilding trust and understanding in the community, as well as enabling them to better understand whom they are serving and how they are protecting all in their care. It must be ensured political correctness is not an excuse used as a shield to hide behind or to avoid personal and professional growth, thus allowing the pain that develops from the lack of understanding to remain and damaging the relationships that are necessary for success. These discussions are not and will not be easy; that is why they are called difficult conversations. They will, however, allow policing professionals to grow, learn, and better serve themselves, one another, and  their community.

Notes:

¹C. Daryl Cameron, B. Keith Payne, and Joshua Knobe, “Do Theories of Implicit Bias Change Moral Judgments?” Social Justice Research 23 (2010): 272–289.

²National Institute for Children’s Health Quality (NICHQ), Implicit Bias Research Guide, 2019.

³NICHQ, Implicit Bias Research Guide.

⁴Scottie Andrew and Harmeet Kaur, “Everyday Words and Phrases That Have Racist Connotations,” CNN, July 7, 2020.

⁵Christina Sterbenz and Dominic-Madori Davis, “12 Racist and Offensive Phrases That People Still Use all the Time,” Business Insider, June 16, 2020.

⁶Merriam-Webster, s.v. diversity.

⁷Merriam-Webster, s.v. inclusion.

⁸Simran Jeet Singh, “The Positive Impact of Religious Diversity on a Police Force,” Police Chief Online, January 9, 2019.

⁹Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence (New York, NY: Bantam Books, 2000).

¹⁰Daniel Goleman, “How to Listen So People Will Talk, and Talk So People Will Listen,” Emotional Intelligence with Daniel Goleman, July 29, 2020.

Please cite as:

Scott A. Vantrease, “Difficult Conversations: Communication Involving Diversity and Inclusion,” Police Chief Online, June 30, 2021.